It’s the moment of truth. You are getting ready to go back to work. Maybe your maternity/paternity leave has come to an end or you took time off from your career to be a stay-at-home parent. In these economic times, you may have even been home due to unexpected circumstances. No matter the reason, juggling parenthood while reentering the workforce can be quite the challenge– just getting out the door in the morning can be a logistical nightmare! Here are some survival tips for the savvy parent.

Before You Go Back

A week before you go back to work, wake up at the new time and practice getting everybody ready. Do you need to get yourself ready before the rest of your household wakes? How long do you need? What can your children do while you are getting yourself ready? Will they play in a pack-n-play, feed themselves cereal, take care of their own potty needs or have cuddle time with your spouse? Make it a team effort and brainstorm with your spouse. Get specific about who will pack lunches, feed the children, pour the milk, give the vitamins, etc. Decide whether you will take turns or divvy up the responsibilities. Make sure you each have time to take care of your own needs, too. Hashing all of this out upfront and writing up a schedule will help you to figure out realistically how long it actually takes to get everybody ready in the morning, and then work your timeline backwards from when you’re due at work. Changing diapers, potty time, breakfast, getting dressed and tooth brushing may take a lot longer than you think! And be sure to leave plenty of extra time for traffic or the occasional extra-long good-bye with your child.

Start the Night Before

Pack up everything you and your child need for the next day before you go to bed: diaper bag, lunches, laptop bag, permission slips and bottles. Have the coffeemaker set to have that much needed java brewed and ready. If you weren’t a list maker before you had children, there is no better time than now to start! Jot down even the smallest of details and necessities that need to be packed or prepared. Sticky notes are a working parent’s best friend. Put a small bin in the fridge for each member of your family who packs breakfast, lunch or bottles and label with names.  Fill each bin with all lunch box items so in the morning you can just transfer the contents of each into a thermal bag with ice packs, etc. If something can’t be pre-packed, jot down a note and stick it in the bin so you know at a glance what is missing in the morning mayhem. Choose outfits the night before—if you are super savvy, you might even check the weather and select your children’s outfits for the whole week!

Back to the Grind

You may be shocked at how busy you will be when you go back to work. Plan time before or after work to spend with your children so you don’t feel like you are missing the details. Ease up on the idea of keeping the house clean 24/7. Your children won’t remember if the house was always sparkling clean or not, but they will remember the quality of the time they spent with you. Maximize your lunch breaks: go on a quick walk to boost your energy levels and be sure to pack healthful snacks. You may find it energizing to be back at work—you may be filled with new ideas, and be excited to spend your day with grown-ups! Don’t feel bad about leaving the office as soon as your workday officially ends–parenthood has taught you to be decidedly efficient, and to get more accomplished in less time. And, be sure to get as much sleep as possible–no matter how prepared and organized you are, going back to work and still maintaining a productive household can be exhausting!

You Deserve a Reward!

After all of the planning, organizing and hard work it takes to go back to the grind while also creating a happy and healthy work-life balance, treat yourself! Plan that rewarding lunchtime mani/pedi, a happy hour with your BFF or schedule some Saturday morning cuddle time with the little ones. You deserve it, and it will help reenergize you so you can do it all again next week.

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When children whine and argue it is tempting to say, “Stop!,”  “Quit whining!,” or “Calm down!” However, the next time your child has a meltdown, try repeating, “I will be happy to listen when your voice is calm like mine,” or, “I will be happy to help when your voice is calm like mine,” in a non-emotional voice.  Parents report that if they are calm and consistent, it doesn’t take long for their children to learn that the adult is not going to get hooked into the argument.  And, the child learns to calm down quickly!

After facilitating a Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™ introduction session, I received an email from a mother that attended and tried this technique.  Shawn wrote, “I have already started using some of the tools and they are not only working to give some power back to the kids, to problem solve and make better choices, but more important for us all is that I FEEL CALMER!  Thank you for this taste of sanity.  Ahhh…”

If you could use a “taste of sanity,” please join us for this five week course that focuses on children from birth through age six.  We explore easy-to-use skills to help parents raise respectful, responsible kids and lower our parenting stress.

This program holds a 30-year track record of success and is designed to help parents in FIVE key areas:
•    Preserve and enhance the child’s self-concept.
•    Teach children how to own and solve the problems they create.
•    Share the control and decision-making.
•    Offer empathy, then consequences.
•    Build the adult-child relationship.
As a stay-at-home mom, I have the opportunity to put these principals into practice everyday.  My husband and I have found that the Love and Logic techniques allow us to spend less time handling behavior, giving us more time to enjoy our children.

And as a facilitator of this course, I have the opportunity to see parents come back to class each week more relaxed and more confident.  My own experiences as well as their success stories inspire me to spread the word about Love and Logic.

The Goddard School of Cedar Park, located at 1905 El Salido Parkway, is hosting the Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™ course on Tuesday evening, October 19th from 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm.  Childcare is available.  To register, visit www.highfiveparenting.com or contact Laura at 512.784.5231 or highfiveparenting@gmail.com.

Don’t miss this opportunity to make parenting less stressful!

Laura Baker
Independent Facilitator
Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™

Raising children can be complex and confusing, and in the face of obstacles, such as divorce, it can be even more challenging. What do you say to comfort them? How doyou keep your guilt hidden? How much do you tell them? What do you say? How canyou hide your anger towards their other parent to keep them from becoming part of theconflict? These are just some of the important questions that arise for parents duringseparation and divorce. First of all, it is important to remember that children are much more perceptive than we think, so if you’re wondering if they’re aware of the marital discord, they probably are. Openly discuss the impending divorce. Tell them that “Mom and Dad are moving to separate homes,” explain where the kids will stay and when, and assure them that they will still get to see each parent, just not together anymore. This open communication will keep them from becoming anxious about the unknown (What’s happening to Mom and Dad? What’s going to happen to me? Did I do something wrong?), and encourages them to talk about their questions and feelings throughout the divorce and transitional time ahead. Keep it simple, and be honest. Don’t make promises that won’t be kept, be realistic with them that the transition is going to be difficult for alittle while, and don’t place blame on either parent for the divorce. Keep the adult issues away from the children’s ears, they’ve already heard enough most likely. Each child will react differently when told this news, some will cry, get mad, withdrawal, or have questions you don’t have answers to. It is okay to say, “I don’t know.” In the following weeks and months, it is important to pay attention to how your child is adjusting, look for new behaviors, and keep the communication open. Suppressing their feelings can be damaging to them and your relationship with them. Seek counseling for yourself on howto handle this transition the best you can for your family, and find a counselor for them totalk to about things they are not comfortable talking with you about or don’t know how to handle.

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Nothing unsettles the lives of children quite like the birth of a sibling: special event for parents = profound disruption of familial bliss for children.  Some children take it in stride, but the majority may not. Having a sibling forces children to share the wealth in an important and healthy adaptation to living in the real world.  Here are a few ideas about how to ease the pain, and promote the joy:

• ‘Me, myself and I’ – The mantra of toddler-hood reminds us that 18 to 24 months finds most kids falling short of being able to participate in the care of a younger sibling. They have just begun to take care of their own business, so looking after someone else’s (with whom you have to share mom and dad) is annoying to say the least.
• By 48 months:  Children are able to feel some ownership of a new baby – rocking, diapering, comforting, and playing with a baby are possible, if not always high on their list of fun things to do.  They own enough familial territory by now that they can afford to share.
• A younger sibling often adores an older sibling.  Teach your older one (don’t ignore the boys) to be tender and gentle when holding or feeding the baby.  This is great training for future intimacy and competent parenting.
• Preserve time alone with your older children several times a week. They may no longer be the ‘only,’ but they are the still the ‘first,’ and certain privileges pertain, along with new responsibilities!

Don’t underestimate how your own experience as a sibling -in a particular birth order – affects your perception of your children’s experience. You may be off by a mile in your evaluation of your child’s jealousy of a new baby if you are the baby in your own family, or the first-born.

Keep the dialogue open with your children about the shape of their sibling relationships and you will learn a lot.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D.
Mothers and fathers care for their children in very unique ways.  Children can recognize the differences between mother and father care, which actually enhances their development.  This article focuses on the critical role fathers play in a child’s development.

Newborns can differentiate between mom’s voice and touch and dad’s voice and touch.  Although mom may have gotten a head start on the bonding process with the baby, dads have their chance, too.  By six weeks old an infant can distinguish a father’s voice from a mother’s, and while a quiet baby may pay more attention to mom’s voice, an upset baby will calm more readily to his father’s handling.  Mothers usually are very consistent in the way that they handle their children, often picking them up in the same manner, saying the same thing before they handle them, for example, at bath or bedtime.  Dads rarely approach the baby with such consistency.  Each time they pick up the baby, they usually do so in a different manner than before, but this helps the baby recognize that it is dad who is holding him.

Time with dad is typically less structured and more play-oriented than with mom.  Most of mother’s time with her children is dedicated to care-giving tasks or educational play, while dad’s time is less structured and full of impromptu play.  Where mom uses toys, dad tends to use his body.  Dads are typically more physical with the kids and they love it.  Physical play helps to stimulate both physical and brain development.  Dads also have a tendency to make any situation educational, even if they don’t realize it themselves, so that a father’s tasks around the house might be an adventure for the child.

Fathers challenge their children to learn.  Obviously, both mom and dad want to help their child learn in any way they can, but they do this differently also.  For example, when teaching a frustrated child, a mother tends to assist her in finding the answer; whereas, a father is more likely to guide the child through the frustration and challenge her longer to find the answer on her own.  Fathers also encourage more exploration and boundary pushing than moms do.  A father’s way of teaching his child persistence in the face of adversity results in positive academic and social performance in the long run.  Certainly, one style is not better than the other, and children absolutely benefit from both.

THE ROLE OF FATHERS
Recent research about the role of fathers and their approach to parenting include the following:

• Fathers tend stylistically to encourage problem-solving skills by letting their kids struggle with frustration a little longer before stepping in to help.  (Of course, there is a huge personal variation here, as there is in mothers.)
• Fathers permit a little more emotional autonomy during learning sequences with their young children, supporting and encouraging but without the same emphasis on intimacy that is more typical among mothers.
• Fathers tend to mix play with learning a little more successfully, from the child’s point of view, allowing longer work periods.
• Fathers’ more functional (‘do it because it needs to be done,’ rather than ‘do it because it will go better between us if you do’) approach to academic work builds in the child a larger range of problem-solving skills over time that probably contributes to more lasting self-esteem.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

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