Archive for July, 2010
As a (former) pediatrician and child psychiatrist for three decades, I increasingly respect the significance of children’s fears in shaping our shared everyday lives. Inconvenient though fears of the dark, animals, water, and monsters may be, they are meaningful clues about what children are trying to master about their world.
Worries all mean something, and we let our children down when we ignore and belittle, not to mention waste opportunities to master, so let’s spend a minute to understand them better:
- Fears appear like clockwork in childhood. The adrenalin fears stimulate heightens learning of vital lessons, like when to run in the face of real danger, when to cry for help, and eventually to distinguish what is really dangerous (speeding cars) from what is not (family dog).
- Fears only seem to emerge ‘from nowhere.’ Actually, they typically surface during periods of accelerated development – when children lose their old equilibrium while looking for a new one. Actively toilet- learning toddlers are often more afraid of the dark than before or after they get the potty thing solved.
- Stranger anxiety begins when children start to crawl around and need to be more aware of who knows them and who doesn’t.
- Other common fears which emerge and fade with predictability during preschool years may be insects, animals, loud noises, the dark (and its imagined inhabitants – monsters, witches, ghosts), high places, and parental loss to name a few.
Listen thoughtfully to your children as they describe their fear. Their fears have their reasons, though they may not be instantly clear to you. Reassure your children that you’ll help them feel better- get your flashlight out and check under their bed. Cuddle them a little extra during such times, and let them slip back toward babyhood a little. Finally, when children work it out, remind them that they worked it out. This will help them as new fears emerge.
by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D
Suggested resource: American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry website www.aacap.org
To learn more about The Goddard School, click here.
Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®. Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years. He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.
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Children are fascinated by nature and the simple pleasures of smelling flowers, picking vegetables and studying insects. Gardening provides family fun, teaches patience and responsibility and builds self-esteem.
Pique your child’s curiosity:
- Plant things your children like to eat – such as veggies they like on a pizza or in a salad or create your own salsa using tomatoes you’ve grown.
- Make a scarecrow to deter pests or plant daisies and petunias to attract butterflies.
Be sure to plan special time for gardening, but keep sessions brief. Frequent activity changes, such as planting, watering, mulching, weeding and harvesting will help keep children engaged. Allow plenty of time for catching toads, gathering bouquets of dandelions and planting the seeds from yesterday’s snack of fresh watermelon.
To learn more about The Goddard School, click here.
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2010
Grandparents
by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D
Love and time…need we say more? How about wise historian, mentor, confidant, elder, counselor, spiritual guide, financier, playmate or parental antidote? These are all roles that grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren. And grandparents are a growing force! The number and percentage of the population that grandparents account for has grown dramatically in the last 15 years – from 58 million to 78 million.
Here are a few ways that you can help foster a healthy relationship between your parents and your children:
- When planning a visit, talk about how you can help and what you should bring to help things go smoothly. Discuss recent routines and help your parents childproof their house – more to keep your child safe than to protect the crystal. This communication
provokes less defensiveness in grandparents, and helps them be a part of the solution from the start.
- Relax some rules, but don’t compromise your core values. For instance, sweets seem to be a generational prerogative, but television monitoring should continue according to your child’s habits and your beliefs.
- Children and grandparents are so close because they share something in common – you! They can share stories, secrets, etc. that allow children the experience of close relationships with a loving family member who is not wholly responsible for their future happiness, homework or well being.
- Spoiling is not a helpful approach to grandparenting and most of them know it. Positive expectant attention is best. Interestingly, today’s grandparents are so busy, I think this is less of a problem these days.
- Enjoy the relationship your children are developing with your parents.
When misunderstandings or problems occur (and they are bound to), it’s better to figure out a way to talk about them than to avoid each other. That is too steep a price for your children. We all want this relationship to work because the benefits are forever.
Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®. Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years. He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.
To learn more about The Goddard School, click here.
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Children and Pets
Pets enrich the lives of many children and families. While children raised with pets show many benefits, safety concerns should always be a determining factor when deciding to get or keep a pet in a family with young children.
Choose wisely from breeds or species that are a good fit for your family, your home and your lifestyle. Behavior, temperament, excitability, patience and size are important characteristics to consider in a child-friendly pet that your little one can help care for. Pets should be free of disease and regularly checked by a veterinarian. Family allergies should also be taken into account. Young children should always be supervised during their interactions with pets. Animals can be easily harmed or provoked to attack if hit, poked or grabbed by young children. Children must be taught to play gently with pets and to keep their distance when an animal is eating, sleeping or caring for their young.
Involved parents, planning and open discussion are necessary in order for a family pet to be a positive experience. Young children can help with pet care, but can’t be completely responsible. They may only be able to help you with a few small tasks when feeding, cleaning or grooming your pet. For example, your child can join you when walking the dog, but certainly shouldn’t walk the dog alone. Allow your child to help care for the family pet in small, safe ways and always under adult supervision.
There are many benefits to children raised with pets. Positive relationships with pets can encourage children to love and trust others. Bonding with a pet can also help young children develop non-verbal communication, compassion and empathy. Caring for pets teaches children responsibility and respect. Both children and animals need exercise and pets are great playmates and a fun way to add physical activity into a child’s day. A pet’s life span can also provide parents the opportunity to teach life lessons about reproduction, birth, illness, loss and death.
To learn more about The Goddard School, click here.
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Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
FUN IN THE SUN: How to Protect Children From The Sun
Experts estimate that 80% of total lifetime sun exposure occurs before age 18. Children who learn preventative practices early in life may reduce the unhealthy effects of sun exposure.
A = Away
- Avoid long periods of direct sun exposure between 10 am and 4 pm.
- Play indoors or enjoy shaded outdoor activities, especially when your shadow is shorter than you are tall.
- Reflection from water, white sand or snow increases the sun’s damage.
B = Block
- Use a sunscreen with a Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of 15 or higher.
- Apply sunscreen every morning; reapply every two hours.
- Apply sunscreen at least 30 minutes before sun exposure.
C = Cover Up
- Use hats and light-colored clothing to protect skin.
- Sunglasses protect eyes and eyelids from the sun’s ultraviolet rays.
- Cover up after swimming.
S = Speak Out:
- Practice sun safety and show family members how to apply sunscreen.
- Discuss sun safety with coaches, camp counselors and teachers.
Information provided by ABCs of Fun in the Sun,” offered by the American Academy of Dermatology. To learn more about sun protection, visit www.aad.org.
To Learn more about The Goddard School click here.
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Playing With Your Child
Excerpt from Me, Myself and I
By Dr. Kyle Pruett
The best way to know what your child thinks about his world before he can tell you directly in words is through playing with him. It is right there, in their play sequences and manipulations that we see and hear what they understand and think about the world we share.
Remember, however, that this is his play, not yours. You are a partner and a facilitator, occasionally a “go-fer,” but you are not playwright, producer or director.
When you play make-believe with your child using simple dress-up (hats alone are great), narrate her play: “And now you get on your hat.” Describe what you think she is feeling: “Don’t you feel fancy (snazzy, cool…)?” And listen for when you are not quite on track: “So, then what?” Children often love to have you with them in these imaginary explorations of role and role-play and usually will do their best to keep you from getting lost along the way.
- Use reflecting surfaces (mirrors, windows) as you play peek-a-boo with your child’s image and then yours, or add a little face paint or make-up as he explores what happens to his face as he, or you, add a dot here or a line there. It helps him define who he is by enjoying the reflection of his face and feelings back and forth between you. Doing this together just feels different and better and usually more important.
- Sit together in the dark with a flashlight and give your child a sense that he has some control over what appears, reappears, and disappears into the darkness. Narrate the experience with him, and match his level of emotional interest, as you share the job of turning the flashlight on and off together. Sara, at 22 months, loved this game and called it the “good-bye light game.” She seemed to be sorting out the comings and goings of important things and people as the lights went off and on.
There are countless other ideas available from books and magazines. Borrow, invent, and reinvent games just for the two of you.
To learn more about The Goddard School click here.
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