Most blogs discuss the problem of biting from the perpetrator’s viewpoint. They emphasize how to prevent, protect and process. While these bloggers (including me) provide helpful suggestions, they largely ignore the problem from the perspective of the victim. Bite victims don’t get much press, yet, for victims and their parents, the experience is more painful and equally problematic.
Toddlers (and to a lesser extent) preschoolers bite. They always have and always will. Teeth are ‘cool’—they help us talk, eat, get attention, brand us as ‘getting big’ and yes, inflict pain. Biting isn’t always intentional, sadistic or aggressive. Curiosity about dramatic cause and effect is nearly universal. In general, however, once a biter appears, the environment must change. The victim is almost always surprised the first time he or she is bitten, and from that moment on, to quote an experienced colleague educator, ‘the environment must be provisioned with vigilance.’ Adults must assist the victim in ‘learn[ing] from experience.’ They must shadow the biter, monitoring his or her moods, behavior and irritability. Staying close enough to physically intervene, processing the experience with the victim, comforting him or her, and teaching skill building self-preservation techniques help the biting victim.
Children who are repeat victims sometimes want to forgive and forget, and sure enough, they wind up sitting too close to the perpetrator again and again. These children seem to miss the warning signs that trouble is brewing. They often don’t complain ‘nearly loud enough’ (according to the above educator). Prepared adults can talk to such children about preventative actions as a learning opportunity.
Many adults tend to see repeat ‘bitees’ as innocent bystanders, helpless to protect themselves, and not a part of the solution. With good adult collaboration, however, young victims can learn to increase their own watchfulness and use their growing language skills to think, “Are you going to bite me today? I don’t like it!” and to strengthen their self preservation.
Additionally, if the biting occurs at school, parents may get frustrated when the school does not sufficiently reprimand the repeat offender. This is because teachers are trained to facilitate group growth and relationships.
So what is a parent to do? Ask for the director’s plan to help keep your child safe. Stay involved, give a second chance, and emphasize the positive.
