Posts Tagged ‘Early childhood development’

Puppy Love: Family Pets & Responsibility

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Including our children in the care of our beloved family pets can provide valuable lessons on love, kindness, gentleness and responsibility. Here are some doggone great ways (supervised, of course) children of varying ages and stages can participate.

  • Babies can begin to learn about being gentle and soft while petting a furry pet. Little ones who are a bit too rough can practice petting a stuffed animal first—it’s important to consider the safety of our children and our pets!
  • Toddlers can learn to brush a bunny, cat or dog.
  • Toddlers and preschoolers can use measuring cups to fill food bowls.
  • Preschoolers can practice learning how to tell time when given the responsibility of announcing “feeding time” of any type of pet—fluffy or scaly.
  • Older children may practice taking the dog for a walk in your fenced in yard or hold the leash while you walk with them.

How do your children help with your pet?

The first time your preschooler blurted out “bad words” or other unacceptable language you were probably pretty surprised—and may have even laughed out loud. We may wonder: what happened to our eager-to-please, angelic sweethearts? As our little ones grow bigger, their curiosity to test and push boundaries grows bigger, too. As parents, we know that rude language and other maddening behavior will quickly lose its charm and humor. Instances like this provide the perfect time to lay the foundation for better behavior. Here are a few simple steps to curb the rudeness.

Establish the rules. Let your child know that “bad words” or rude behavior are unacceptable and will not be used again—and that they will have consequences if they are.

Pre-determine the consequence. Decide in advance on a consequence that you will use if this rude behavior should happen again. Choose something that has a fairly immediate effect such as, “No more playing outside right now,” or “Snack time is over,” as opposed to something you would be more likely to rescind such as, “You are not going to Grammy’s house next week.”

React with confidence. Next time your child speaks impolitely, respond with certainty. Calmly, but firmly, say, “We do not use that sort of language. For that reason, you will not be riding your bike this afternoon.”

Follow through. Do not negotiate or justify the consequences of rude behavior. It is important to set consistent limits by following through with your decision. If you cave in or offer multiple chances, your child may believe that what is acceptable and what is not is up for discussion.

Reward the good stuff. Recognize when your child uses “nice” language. Provide lots of praise, love, affection and positive feedback when they behave well.

Most blogs discuss the problem of biting from the perpetrator’s viewpoint.  They emphasize how to prevent, protect and process.  While these bloggers (including me) provide helpful suggestions, they largely ignore the problem from the perspective of the victim.  Bite victims don’t get much press, yet, for victims and their parents, the experience is more painful and equally problematic.

Infant Boy AToddlers (and to a lesser extent) preschoolers bite.  They always have and always will.  Teeth are ‘cool’—they help us talk, eat, get attention, brand us as ‘getting big’ and yes, inflict pain.  Biting isn’t always intentional, sadistic or aggressive.  Curiosity about dramatic cause and effect is nearly universal.  In general, however, once a biter appears, the environment must change.  The victim is almost always surprised the first time he or she is bitten, and from that moment on, to quote an experienced colleague educator, ‘the environment must be provisioned with vigilance.’  Adults must assist the victim in ‘learn[ing] from experience.’  They must shadow the biter, monitoring his or her moods, behavior and irritability.  Staying close enough to physically intervene, processing the experience with the victim, comforting him or her, and teaching skill building self-preservation techniques help the biting victim.

Children who are repeat victims sometimes want to forgive and forget, and sure enough, they wind up sitting too close to the perpetrator again and again.  These children seem to miss the warning signs that trouble is brewing.  They often don’t complain ‘nearly loud enough’ (according to the above educator).  Prepared adults can talk to such children about preventative actions as a learning opportunity.

Many adults tend to see repeat ‘bitees’ as innocent bystanders, helpless to protect themselves, and not a part of the solution.  With good adult collaboration, however, young victims can learn to increase their own watchfulness and use their growing language skills to think, “Are you going to bite me today? I don’t like it!” and to strengthen their self preservation.

Additionally, if the biting occurs at school, parents may get frustrated when the school does not sufficiently reprimand the repeat offender.  This is because teachers are trained to facilitate group growth and relationships.

So what is a parent to do?  Ask for the director’s plan to help keep your child safe.  Stay involved, give a second chance, and emphasize the positive.

12 Surprising Benefits of Play

Friday, February 4th, 2011

12 proven and surprising benefits of child-directed (aka unscheduled and spontaneous) play for our stressed-out, over-supervised kids.

By Dr. Michele Borba

Okay folks, I’m concerned. Over the last few weeks I’ve been reviewing studies involving children and play. “Shocked” and “disturbed” are the two words that describe how I feel when reading those reports.

Every study reaches one sad conclusion: Good old-fashioned play is quickly becoming an endangered pastime for today’s plugged-in, over-scheduled kids.

Worse yet, play is not only disappearing from our homes and neighborhoods, but our schools as well. And this comes at the same time when reports show that stress is mounting to  new heights in our kids while their mental health has plummeted to a twenty-five year all-time low. A good old fashioned childhood of cloud-gazing, leaf-kicking, and hill rolling is disappearing to be replaced by screens, earplugs, flashcards and tutors.

Facts About Today’s Play-Deprived Kids

  • Since the late 1970s there’s been a 25% drop in our children’s free play and a 50% drop in unstructured outdoor activities
  • Since the late 1970s kids time in organized, adult-supervised sports have doubled and the number of minutes devoted each week to passive leisure, not including watching television, has increased from 30 minutes to more than three hours
  • The average U.S. child is now “plugged-in” to some kind of digital device–not including cell phone and text–71/2 hours a day

The loss of play and even skepticism about its value may be partly due to a more competitive, “no-child left untested era” (don’t get me started on that one…), our increasingly hurried, quicker-pace life style, and the belief we have to schedule our kids with activity after activity to stretch those IQ points. Now Tiger Mom–and every media outlet our there appearing to quote her–is urging every so-called “Western” mom to halt those play dates and any child-chosen activity.

Whatever the reason, today’s kids are playing less and many experts–and the kids–are crying, “Foul!” and with good reason. Dozens of studies prove that play is not just a luxury but essential to our children’s healthy development.

12 Scientific Benefits of Play

We’ve always known that “kids and play” are just a natural combo. But new research also shows that letting kids engage in self-directed play has immense value for their social, emotional, cognitive and physical growth. Here are just a few of the proven scientific benefits of letting our kids get messy and doing something besides clicking those darn keypads and video controllers and paper and pencil tasks:

1. Play boosts children’s creativity and imagination. Play gives children the chance to invent, build, expand, explore and develop a whole different part of the brain.

2. Play stretches our children’s attention span. Playing outdoors just 30 minutes a day increases child’s ability to focus and pay attention.

3. Play and rough-housing boost boys’ problem solving abilities. The more elementary school-boys engaged in rough-housing, the better they scored on a test of social problem solving. (Don’t ya love that one!)

4. Play boosts self-confidence and self-regulation. Kids learn to become masters of their own destiny without an adult directing, pushing, managing or scheduling.

5. Play forges friendships, strengthens social competence and teaches social skills. Undirected play allows kids to learn how to work in groups, share, negotiate, communicate and develop core social skills they need not only now but for the rest of their lives.

6. Play helps kids learn to enjoy just being in their own company, entertain themselves and develop identity. Ease that guilt when your kid says, “I’m bored, Mom!”

7. Play reduces children’s anxiety and diminishes stress. A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry shows that play is also critical for our children’s emotional health because it helps kids work through anxiety and reduce stress.

8. Play creates joyful memories of childhood. Come on, no kid is going to remember the car pools and worksheets but the swings, jumping in leaves, playing leapfrog in the mud, blowing bubbles, building forts–those are the unforgettable childhood moments. Sigh!

9. Play boosts physical health and reduces risk of obesity. Henry Joseph Legere, MD, author of Raising Healthy Eaters points out: “Rises in screen time have led to the rise of a sedentary lifestyle for our children. In 1982, the childhood obesity prevalence in the United States was actually less than 4 percent. By 2004, that number had grown to about 30 percent.”

10. Play expands our kids minds and neurological development. Self-initiated play improve skills such as guessing, figuring, interpreting and is important to brain development and learning

11. Play builds new competencies, leadership skills, teaches lifelong hobbies, and develops resilience. “Play is what allows kids to manipulate their environment,” says a report written by Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D. of the AAP, “And how you manipulate your environment is about how you begin to take control, how you begin to develop your senses, how you view the world.”

12. Play nurtures the parent-child bond. Child-driven play also improves our parent-kid relationship.Play offers a wonderful opportunity for parents to see the world from our children’s eyes as well as strengthen our relationship when we join in.

In fact, playing with our kids is one of the few times when clocks stop and stress fades. There’s no judgments, schedules or time constraints that worry us. It’s just a glorious opportunity to give our kids our full presence, be in their space and enjoy each other’s company, and build those wonderful childhood memories. Keep in mind folks, there’s no rewind button when it comes to childhood!

So parents, why not just this week push pause and tune into your kids’ schedule? I dare you: take a Reality Check and see just how how unstructured, unsupervised time your kid has. While you’re at it, here are a few questions to help you assess if play should be added to the “Endangered Species List” at your home.

Reality Check: Could Your Kids Be ‘Play Deprived’?

How much are your kids plugged into some kind of a digital device?

How often are your kids glued to that TV or clicking that keypad?

How much free time do your kids have that is unscheduled, unplanned, unsupervised?

How often do your kids go outdoors to just recompress?

Do your kids know how to entertain themselves solo an adult, coach, teacher, or you whether it be indoors or out?

Do your kids enjoy the great outdoors?

How often (if ever) do your kids see you throwing off your shoes and joining in the unplanned, spontaneous fun with them?

Do your kids know outdoor age-appropriate games and have the equipment for those activities whether it be hopscotch, jump rope, Red Rover, I Spy, basketball, freeze-tag, kick the can, skateboarding?

Do your kids know how to self-entertain and do activities that would nurture their creativity or imagination on a regular basis?

Do you set a rule that when friends come to the house a minimum or no plugged-in devices are allowed?

Would your kid say that you encourage them to play unstructured?

How do you respond when your kids get messy? (Just asking…but remember letting your kids get messy every now and then is actually a great way to teach them that nobody’s perfect, accidents do happen, and teaches them to enjoy themselves and their own company).

Let’s remember: Play is an essential — not a luxury – for our children’s well-being. Thirty years of solid child development research confirms that play is crucial for our children’s social, emotional, physical and cognitive growth.  So check into your kids’ lives and make sure at least  a bit of “free time” is a part of their waking hours.

What do you think? Are our kids becoming play-deprived? And if they are, what do you see as the disadvantages?

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert.  You can also refer to my daily blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check for ongoing parenting solutions and late-breaking news and research about child development.

It is important to understand the reasons behind your child’s developmentally appropriateyet unacceptablehitting, kicking or biting behaviors. Try to consider your child’s point of view.

Some frustrations may include:

  • She cannot fully verbally express her feelings.
  • She does not have fully developed self control.
  • She is defending herself from an “attack” from another child, whether it is hair pulling, toy grabbing, etc.
  • She is experimenting with cause and her effect on the world.
  • She’s tired.
  • She’s hungry.
  • She’s over stimulated.
  • Sometimes, she may not even have a reason.

These are just some scenarios that may prompt your toddler to believe that hitting is a justifiable response to her frustration. And, toddlers may not always realize that hitting or other inappropriate behaviors hurt, or she just may not be able to control herself. As a parent, your job is to safely redirect her away from those behaviors. Here are some ways to do just that:

Respond immediately. Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings and provide a lesson in positive behaviors. Using a firm, nonthreatening voice, tell her, “No! I know you want a turn but we do not hit! Hitting hurts! Use your words.” And then redirect her attention. If your child still feels the need to hit, perhaps provide a “Mad Pillow.” Purchase a silly looking pillow that your toddler is allowed to hit when she feels the need to physically express her frustration. This will allow her to experiment with hitting, though it will typically evoke giggles as soon as it surfaces.

Focus your attention on the victim—even if that’s you! This demonstrates compassion, teaches your child that bad behavior does not gain attention and helps her to understand her actions. Be sure to provide plenty of praise and positive reinforcement when she does use her words to express feelings instead of negative behaviors, and be specific with your praise. (“You shared nicely with your sister. That makes me happy!”)

Don’t allow your child to benefit from negative behaviors. If your toddler used negative behaviors to take a toy from another child, don’t allow her to keep it. If she finds that her approach results in her benefit, she’ll do it again.

Don’t force an apology. Doing so removes value from the apology. Instead, model the appropriate behavior. Tell the victim, “I am sorry that you are hurt.” Use words that describe feelings, “I am sorry that your sister took your toy and made you sad.”

Learning positive behaviors and self-control can take time. In the meantime: Be consistent. Stay calm. Look for teachable moments and opportunities to prevent negative behaviors. And most importantly, always keep a sense of humoryour child won’t be two forever!

Toddler Independence

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

Testing Limits & Pushing Buttons
Oh, how our toddlers test the limits and press our buttons! Often, it seems, toddlers are torn between wanting to be a ‘big kid’ and wanting to be babied—this can be especially intensified if there is a sibling in the mix. It is important to try to keep a sense of humor about your child’s journey to independence. For a toddler, gaining independence is a whole new world! Toddlers are determined to feel like they are in control. It can be amazing to see your child grow in leaps and bounds right in front of you by making their own decisions and developing their problem-solving skills.

Choose Your Battles—Provide Choices
The more often you offer ‘choices,’ the more in control your child will feel. More importantly, the more in control your child feels, the more confident and independent he or she will become.  Give your toddler choices, but try not to overwhelm him or her with too many. If getting your child to eat breakfast is a challenge, try offering a choice: “Would you rather have scrambled eggs or oatmeal for breakfast this morning?” By making the decision your child’s, you will be surprised at their increased willingness to eat breakfast. If getting dressed is a challenge, consider, does it really matter if your child wants to pair pink polka dots with navy plaid? Would it hurt to let your child wear her fairy wings to the grocery store? As long as their choices don’t hurt anyone—and who wouldn’t smile at a little one in fairy wings in the shopping cart—why not let your child wear his superman cape or her robot boots while you run errands?

Acknowledge Good Behaviors
For parents and children, toddlerhood can be as frustrating as it can be rewarding. We often focus on preventing the negative behavior and overlook the positive. Be patient with your child and provide praise when she’s being good. By acknowledging the good behaviors, children will be more likely to repeat them. Next time your child hangs her coat up instead of throwing it on the floor, puts his toys back in the bin or eats a “no, thank you” helping of broccoli, go heavy on the praise and let him know just how happy you are.

Let Your Child “Help”
Toddlers just love to make us happy. They are so proud when they feel like they are helping us—even in the most boring of grownup tasks. You may be amazed at how eager your child will be to ‘help’ in everyday activities. Try to figure out new ways for your child to do things herself. Your child can certainly help set the table (folding napkins, placing utensils in the right places), relay drink orders (great for developing speech and communication skills), match socks (by size or color) or throw empty containers in the trash or recycling… any of these activities make for great teachable moments. The more your child attempts, fails and tries again, the more she builds her confidence and problem-solving skills. And remember to say, “Thank you! You are such a great helper!”

Create the Foundation
Guiding your child with love, patience and encouragement are the key to creating the perfect foundation for your child’s character and independence. Be more flexible in your guidelines—give your child the opportunity, as often as possible, to make decisions for himself. Don’t be afraid to let go of some of the rules. Save “No!” for when it really matters—in the case of safety or something you feel most strongly about.

Making Time for Small Talk

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Just Talk
The most important thing you can do to encourage language and communication is talk to your child. From infant, to toddler, to preschooler and on up through the years, share what you are doing, seeing and feeling. Small talk is a great way to maximize language growth. Always use tone and emphasis, and be sure to respond to your child’s attempts at sounds, words, sentences and conversation.

In Your Daily Travels
Whether at the market, bank or park, talk about what you see and hear along your way. Be descriptive. Chat about characteristics in terms of color, shape, size, what things do or sound like, how they taste, how they feel, how they smell. You’ll be surprised at what your children will absorb—and will share with you some day!

Keep It Simple
Discuss your child’s environment and focus on what is important to them. Every conversation counts. Your daily routine can be full of new words, experiences and feelings for your child. While reading a book together, running errands, making dinner or visiting a relative, ask your child many questions: What are you doing? How does that feel? Why/how does that happen? What happens next?

The Ultimate Reward
As they develop, your child will gain valuable conversation, language and social skills. As a result, the bonds and connections you will form with your child, through even the simplest of coos or the most complex of conversations, are absolutely priceless!

Going to the Dentist

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

Many new parents wonder, “When should I take my child to the dentist for the first time?” According to the American Dental Association, your child should have their first dental visit by their first birthday, or sometime within six months of when they get their first tooth.

When looking for a dentist for your child, you may choose to go to your regular family dentist or a pediatric dentist. There are advantages to both, such as familiarity with your family dentist and specialized training for children with the pediatric dentist. The most important aspect to consider is that you and your child are comfortable with your choice. If you choose to find a pediatric dentist, it’s best to ask your family dentist for a recommendation or visit the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry Web site for a list of pediatric dentists in your area.

During your child’s first visit, the dentist will speak with you in depth about your child’s overall health history, their oral health history (including teething, biting, thumb-sucking and feeding) and answer any questions you may have. Then, the dentist will examine your child’s teeth, gums, jaw and oral tissues. The dentist may also demonstrate the best way to clean your child’s teeth at home, provide information on what to expect as your child grows and offer suggestions for your child’s optimal oral health. Most dentists will wait until follow-up visits (within the next six months) to professionally clean and polish your child’s teeth, take x-rays and give a fluoride treatment.

The Importance of Nap Time

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

Your toddler shows all the signs that he is exhausted and in dire need of a good old-fashioned nap.  He is yawning, whining, rubbing his heavy eyelids and twirling his hair—but, at the mere mention of a nap, he just may melt down. The explanation is truly a simple one: Toddlers do not want to miss out on even one moment of adventure, as they are beginning to understand that they can assert their own independence as often as they like to manipulate the world around them.

The solution is not necessarily as straightforward. Here are a few tips for a more successful nap (or at least quiet) time:

  • Plan a quieter activity before nap time begins to allow for a winding down period.
  • Make the transition to nap time consistent each day: potty time, read a book, cuddle up with a lovey or special blanket.
  • Never make nap time a punishment.
  • Provide a restful place for nap time. (Consider: darkening blinds, heavy curtains, calming music, a fan or white noise machine)
  • Make sure naps are in his bed or crib. This will help him associate his own bed with sleep.
  • If he absolutely refuses to nap, leave him with some toys and books and tell him it’s quiet time.
  • Give him a hug and a kiss, tuck him in and leave the room.

Remember, sleep is very important for a growing child. If your child repeatedly gets up after you have tucked him in, calmly take his hand and return him to his bed. Walk him back to bed each time, and he will soon realize that you are serious. If he still seems to have difficulty napping, let him know it’s ok to stay awake, but he needs to use this time as “quiet time.” Be calm—but firm—about this resting period. Children (and parents, too!) need rest, even if they are not sleeping.

Ask The Expert: Second Languages

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

What are your thoughts regarding the role that learning a second language has in child development and raising multilingual children?

Research on dual language acquisition (DLA) shows that given the opportunity, very young children can and will learn two or more languages at the same time.

An effective learning environment for the young dual language learner is one in which strategies are in place to intentionally and continuously support bilingualism.  Parents can do the following:

• engage young children in conversation during daily routines, for example, during mealtime or before naptime using the second language;

• read with children, using common words, poems, songs, and stories in the second language;

• label objects verbally using the second language;

• introduce the sounds of the alphabet letters to the dual language learner in both English and the second language;

• venture out and explore environments where the second language is spoken.

Young children can become increasingly fluent in a second language if they have opportunities to speak it with a variety of individuals, on a variety of topics.

For young children, the language of the home is the language they have used since birth, the language they use to make and establish meaningful communicative relationships, and the language they use to begin to construct their knowledge and test their learning. The home language is tied to children’s culture, and culture and language communicate traditions, values, and attitudes.  When introducing a second language, parents will need to have command and comfort of that language in order for children to become fluent.