One of the blessings for children with two parents is learning that life has more than one voice.  Fathers and mothers nurture, discipline, love and struggle with their children quite differently.  My own research has shown that dads tend to encourage more exploratory behavior, while moms play it closer to home.  These normal tendencies, though not absolute, are intriguing to children.  So enjoy the differences – don’t regret them.

So, what is unique about the way men parent, and does it matter to children?

• Fathers roughhouse with their kids right from the beginning more than mothers. This is interesting to children, they respond to it, and even seek it out. It helps to build physical confidence in boys and girls.
• Fathers allow frustration to build to elevated levels before intervening when their children are mastering something new. It turns out that dads think this helps children learn to handle frustration at manageable levels – preparing them for life’s uneven playing field. They are right.
• Fathers may give their children more leeway in new circumstances while mothers tend to stay physically closer to their children in the park or at the mall.  Dads want children to explore. Children tend to like it, and learn independence from it.
• Fathers use more real-world consequences to discipline whereas mothers use more social-relationship consequences.  Children who receive both integrate them well, giving them a stronger sense of internal control and self-discipline than children with uninvolved or absent dads.
• Kids with involved dads – dads who have fed, changed diapered, bathed, and comforted (with the support of their spouses) – do better in school, have higher self-confidence, use less violent problem-solving themselves, and have stronger verbal skills.

Children can distinguish the voice of their father from their mother at birth – and their handling styles at six weeks. Any questions?  Just ask the kids what they think of fathering.