1.  Provide a wide selection of age-appropriate books. Don’t limit books to your child’s play space. Consider making some available in their bedroom, on the lower shelf of a “grown-up” book shelf, on the coffee table, etc. Be sure to place the books within their reach.

2.  Be sure your child has a cozy reading spot. Consider making an area in the family room or playroom with a comfy cushion or child-sized chair, stuffed animals and a big basket of books to choose from!

3. Consider serving snacks or meals that relate to the stories your child enjoys. Add just a drop or two of green food coloring into scrambled eggs and you could serve green eggs and ham for breakfast!

4.  Read to your child at every stage. Some parents begin reading to their child before they are even born!

5.  It’s never too late to start a reading routine with your child. Set a goal of reading at least one book per day with your child–even on the busiest of days!

6.  Include a bedtime story as part of your everyday routine. But…

7.  Don’t limit reading to bedtime. Cuddle up and enjoy giggling with your child over a funny book.

8.  If your child has a tough time sitting still for story time, encourage her to color or manipulate play dough while you read the story.

9.  Point to the words as you read. This helps children start to associate sounds with letters.

10.  Ask your child questions as you read. “How do you think that made her feel?” “What color do you think he will choose?” Be sure to also answer your child’s questions as you go along.

To grown-ups, these are some of the daily tasks that just have to get done. However, to a child, it’s a chance to role-play or imitate grown-ups. Children who participate in family activities at a young age may even feel an added sense of accomplishment, greater self-confidence and greater sense of value within their family.

Here are a few ideas for including your child (while supervised and/or as developmentally appropriate) in daily chores:

• Matching socks—also great for learning colors, comparing, etc.!
• Carrying in the mail (add an occasional letter or postcard for your child for extra fun)
• Setting the dinner table
• Clearing their own plastic dishes and utensils after mealtime
• Helping to pack lunches into lunchboxes
• Dusting
• Watering the plants
• Selecting their outfit for the next day
• Filling a beloved pet’s water bowl
• Vacuuming

How do your children participate in family chores?

The most common age for this behavior is between 3 ½ and 4 ½ years – the twelve to eighteen months before they start kindergarten. Tantrums seem to cluster around those moments when your children – and often you – are hungry, tired, scurrying about, running late and/or stressed out. It’s important to remember that they don’t usually ‘come out of nowhere’ – they tend to be a last straw for your child. Developmentally, they occur when children are struggling to manage their bodies (often having just finished toilet training) and their emotions (aggression, frustration).

My colleagues at Yale’s Parenting Center have been looking at temper tantrum management for years and are on the right track from my view point. They have highlighted the single most critical component of the parent/child temper tantrum interaction – the parental tendency to equal the child’s emotional intensity. This is not helpful. Your child is almost completely unaware of the storm he/she’s making, so when you leap in emotionally and physically charged ‘to get your child’s attention and stop this,’ your child ‘reacts’ to your intensity and escalation is the name of the game.

Their advice (with which I concur):

• Forget punishment and yelling. It could terrify or confuse your child, often has no relevance to their distress given their immature sense of cause and effect, and only briefly satisfies your need to be in control.

• Stay calm. Count to ten, turn away briefly, bite your lip, and above all – breathe – this way you won’t fuel the fire and it allows you and your child to recover more quickly.

• Ignore the negative behavior. This de-escalates the tantrum faster than any other single thing a parent can do.

• Turn your attention to praising the next ‘good thing’ your child does. Be very specific about what you appreciate and why, be sincere in your tone and behavior, and look them in the eye.

After a few weeks of these tactics, you’ll notice the tantruming is less frequent and less severe. One day you’ll look back and say, ‘Wow, it’s been months since the last meltdown.’

• Wrap precooked hot dogs in thin strips of canned roll dough and bake until golden brown for yummy Mummy-Dogs. For a healthier twist, try turkey or tofu dogs!

• Slice veggie dogs, put in a mini-pita pocket with colorful matchstick veggies and add sweet and sour or BBQ sauce for a delicious Halloweenies sandwich!

• Whip up devilishly delicious deviled eggs. Top with a round slice of black olive. Serve two egg halves side-by-side for protein-packed Witch Eyes.

Parents intend to delight – and delight in – their preschool child’s playful participation in this fall ritual. But less is more when it comes to keeping a preschooler comfortable and entertained. Here are some guidelines:

Age

Halloween is really meant for school-age kids and adults who have no trouble telling fantasy from reality and whom are way past being afraid of the dark and of scary masks. The preschooler is less likely to laugh and more likely to anxiously ask the mask-wearer a question – cute, but neither funny nor entertaining.

Length

Tying Halloween into dinner plans often stretches the evening out beyond your preschooler’s stamina, making all the other strange stuff inherent to the event harder to manage and understand. Plan to stick to your routine, and celebrate well before bedtime so your preschooler has a chance to settle down.

Sweets

Candy is the antithesis of your normal bedtime snack, giving your child a sugar rush. So, keep them away from the candy bowl. You may want to reconsider having them stay home to ‘help hand out the treats,’ tempting though it may be to have them ‘safe’ with you at your own front door.

Scariness

Because the preschool mind is just mastering the difference between reality and fantasy, things that slip back and forth over the edge of that distinction – like Halloween itself – aren’t very comfortable training grounds for this kind of learning. Older children can see the joy in being scared because they understand the difference. A preschooler is not quite ready for this kind of ‘fun.’

For your young ones, then, I suggest you make it a dress-up party without the gore, leave the trick or treating to the grade school professionals, check your favorite parents magazine/Web site for some simple games to play with peers and get them to bed at a reasonable time. Giving them and yourself a few more years to get ready for the delightful weirdness will be deeply appreciated by them and you.

• Choose a regular, daily naptime and stick to it—early afternoon is best.

• Have your child visit the potty before heading off for their nap.

• Naps should occur in the same place your child sleeps at night.

• Choose a calming activity to do for a few minutes before naptime to help your little one wind down, e.g., they can practice a few yoga poses or flip through their favorite book.

• Enter the room with the lights off or dimmed low.

• Play soothing music or sing a soft lullaby to help them fall asleep.

• Provide a “lovey” for naptime snuggling.

• If traveling by car, leave room in your itinerary for “zoomie” breaks. It can be difficult for a young child (and parents, too!) to sit in a car for hours on end. Take a 15-minute break now and then at a family-friendly rest stop or park to stretch, run off a little energy or make silly noises.

• Try to maintain some likeness to your child’s typical schedule. A child with a general sense of what to expect and when is generally a happier child!

Pssst! Here’s a hint—try whispering! A whisper can prompt your child to feel that something “secret” or “super special” is about to be said—and that’s something most preschoolers can’t resist!

How do you gain your child’s attention?

Prepare your child in advance by listing each step. Instead of asking, “Are you ready to go home?” use a happy but firm tone to say, “First, we’re going to walk to the car. Remember to hold my hand. Next, I will help you climb into your seat. Then, I will need your help buckling the seat belt.”

Allow your child feel as if they have some control of their world. Instead of, “What do you want to wear to today?” try, “Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the orange shirt?” Instead of, “What do you want for breakfast?” try, “Would you like oatmeal or eggs for breakfast?”

Reward good behavior. When your child has cooperated, let them know how pleased you are. “Great job! Thank you for helping me buckle you in! It’s so important to wear your seat belt. Now I will get in and buckle my seat belt just like you!” and, “Great choice! Oatmeal is really yummy and will help keep your tummy full until snack time!”

Choose your battles. While it is critical to not give in on some things (seat belt use, holding hands when crossing a street, etc.), sometimes you have to pick your battles. If your child refuses to get dressed, sometimes you just need to call it a pajama day—easy to do on a day off! If she refuses her meat and veggies at dinner time, don’t make it a big issue. She’ll eat when she is hungry. Just continue to put healthy, well-balanced choices on her plate or tray at each meal and eventually she’ll try them.

How do you guide your child toward good behavior?

• Incorporate relaxation time into your child’s daily schedule – play a game, visit a park, cuddle up and read a story

• In stressful times, do your best to remain calm – be a good example and your child may follow your lead

• Keep negatives to a minimum – saying “no” can cause frustration, try a phrase like “maybe later.”

• Be aware and sympathetic during transitions – starting school, potty training or a new sibling could be stressors.

• Make sure you’re listening to your child, not just hearing them – feeling understood and respected will go a long way.

• Reward with praise and attention – reinforce good behavior with plenty of positive parenting.

• Avoid shouting matches and harsh punishments – these reactions can make tantrums worse.

• Laughter is the best medicine – try humor to defuse a situation, shift their mood with a tickle, hug or silly song.

• Redirect – if you see a tantrum coming, shift your child’s attention to something new.

As children develop their language and comprehension skills, they usually tend to outgrow tantrums. In the meantime, the way you deal with them is important. Handling your child harshly or ignoring him/her altogether may cause tantrums to worsen and linger longer.